Three Children for Sale

Here are the highlights (or rather lowlights) of this eventful day. Early on, E came to tell me she needed a new dress because hers was wet. Why was her dress wet? She had had an accident . . . on M's bed . . . on the goose down comforter and the quilt (sigh). ("You know, Mommy, even BIG girls make mistakes sometimes. Even MOMMIES make mistakes sometimes.") Not two hours later, just as we were supposed to get into the car to go to preschool, M announced from the back yard that SHE had wet her pants, and of course since she was outside her pants were both wet and covered with mud. So we got her all cleaned up and made it to preschool and then ran a couple of errands. When we got home, I had to pick up all the little playdough crumbs the girls and Tuie had gotten all over the floor, the carpet, the couch. Then it was time to go back to preschool. The girls got their insect and bird cards all over the car (which I had told them not to do) and were having fights about who was going to eat and who had eaten what candy (which the neighbors had given to them yesterday, curse them). After we got out of the car I noticed that Tuey had something white and sticky in his hair. Gum. I HATE gum. It was in the neighbors' candy bags. E had gotten gum in his hair. So after more bickering and getting into stuff I banished the 2 girls to their rooms for half an hour (they were just lucky it wasn't the rest of their natural lives). Meanwhile I was trying to clean the kitchen floor some more because it was worse than unsanitary. Tooie found some cake on a paper plate covered with a ziploc bag. He loves cake, we just discovered. And he's very enterprising. So he grabbed the bag, turned it upside down, and shook for all he was worth. I could see what was happening, but it was like one of those slow-motion dreams where you try so hard to run but you just can't make any progress. I got to him just as the cake hit the floor and he grabbed it with both hands and ran, stuffing it in his mouth as he went. He made a perfect arc around the table of lemony cake crumbs. When the girls were finally released from prison, I started on dinner but was interrupted by little Tuey wails and blood on the kitchen floor. He had pulled a BIG jar of peanut butter down on his mouth and now has the fattest lip in the world. It's just about thirty minutes 'til bedtime, and I can HARDLY WAIT. These children are all available to the highest bidder.